• Stuttering to the Airport Courthouse through the steely sludge of A.M. gridlock, I considered the irony of someone selecting me for jury duty. God knows that were the law to nab me for the illegal chimpanzee knife fights I hold in my parking lot, I’d be the last person I’d want on my jury. After all, I’m prone to gross generalizations, chimerical conspiracy theories and a keen avidity for the palliative properties of a medical marijuana prescription. Unfortunately, so is the rest of this county. I feared I was doomed.

• If you get called for jury duty, show up late. Bucking the inherent absurdity of an 8:00 a.m. arrival time, I showed up at five to nine; partially to protest the unholy wake-up call, partially on my correct hunch that the system of justice works on weed head time. More importantly, I wore a t-shirt of a halter-topped woman with a chainsaw. Which, I assumed, would either have me dismissed by noon or stop any and all garrulous goons from starting a conversation with me. (There is only one garrulous Goon, I respect and admire. Well, him and Mike Smrek).

• Waiting in the jury selection room is one of the more gruesomely dull experiences imaginable, though it was kind of weird to see a grim camaraderie settle in. At one point, despite my tacky t-shirt, I found a woman sympathetic to my wild jabbering about the lack of a coffee machine in the vicinity. It was ridiculous; I can’t even tie my shoes while un-caffeinated, let alone render fair and impartial justice.

• Living in Los Feliz/Silverlake, surrounded by a bunch of junior petite, Sparks victims, creates bit of a bubble. At a quick glance, the jury pool looked like the fat, floating coach potatoes from Wal-E, albeit with less cool robots and more blackberries. When I ate an apple at snack break, people looked at me like I was swallowing a gallon of arsenic-laced water.

• Only in Los Angeles will they try to get you amped for jury duty by boasting framed plaques of the various celebrities who had also opted to serve their community rather than face prison or hefty fines. By the computers, I was accosted by signs that read: “Now Playing at a Courthouse Near You: Jury Service, with a cast of hundreds of thousands, starring [insert photo of of celebrity here].” Among the bold-faced names included, Ed Asner, Jamie Lee Curtis, Harrison Ford, Weird Al and bafflingly, Judge Lance Ito. The meta nature was too much for me. I wanted to collapse. Instead, I tried to check my gmail on the abysmally slow court-supplied desktop. A new song from Vince P and Justice? Hmm….

• I’m embarrassed how rattled I got around 4:00 p.m., when they started randomly selecting jurors to go home. The losers would have to continue to another court room to potentially serve six more days. The Founding Fathers had promoted the virtues of a fair trial by jury. Men had died for that and other Democratic principles. And here I was, crossing my fingers, my toes and praying to my pocket-sized Jobu-like Devendra Banhart doll (now available at Insound). When they called my name, I felt like I was an NBA lottery pick, except much poorer, shorter and with less vertical leap. To paraphrase the great Homer, I had embodied the American way: you don’t quit your job, you just do in a half-assed fashion.

Download:
MP3: Chef Raekwon-”Jury”
MP3: 2Pac-”Only God Can Judge Me”

16 years after infamously making an ass of himself in front of millions on the 1992 MTV Video Music Awards, Nirvana’s Krist Novoselic has tackled the subject the worst bass guitar throw in rock history. Of course, Novoselic blamed the ill-fated toss on a number of factors — most notably Axl Rose. It was Axl who famously told Kurt Cobain “Get your bitch in line” after Courtney Love teased the G N’ R singer. The incident swelled until later when, as Novoselic says, “I was walking toward the stage and came across my now-friend and colleague, Duff McKagan. I think Duff was also under the influence. He must have heard something from Rose and had a terse word for me. I was already a little bent out of shape and instantly replied with the same sentiment. The production people grabbed me and we continued toward the stage.” Adding to the tensions was MTV’s prohibiting Nirvana from playing the song they actually wanted to perform; Cobain wanted to go with “Rape Me,” but the band was forced to play “Lithium” to appease the nervous network.

After the toss (which you can watch above), Novoselic rushed to his dressing room. Despite a bloody forehead, relief came in the form of Queen’s Brian May. “Paramedics came in and put a little bandage on, then handed me a long medical release form to sign,” Novoselic writes. “Standing behind them was Brian May, the guitarist of Queen, with a glass of chilled champagne. I signed the release just to get the medics away from me so I could take a sip of Mr. May’s wonderful medicine.” Novoselic says he still owns the bass, but the neck is a little damaged.

Related Stories:

• Classic Cover Story: Inside the Heart and Mind of Nirvana

• Madonna’s Bra, Kurt’s Sweaters and Rock’s Rarest Artifacts

• Writer Charles R. Cross Digs Deep in the Archives For Cobain Unseen

A Saudi billionaire wants his day in court, but Michael Jackson is too sick to give him one.

This, according to one of Jackson’s attorneys who says Jacko is too sick to travel to London to answer a suit claiming he owes an Arab sheikh $7 million.

Excuses, excuses. Jacko has pulled the sick card so many times we’ve lost count!

Al Khalifa’s lawyer, Bankim Thanki, said the medical evidence presented by Jackson’s legal team was “very unsatisfactory” and Jackson’s illness could be treated with a bandage “if the diagnosis is positive.”

“It’s not the first time a sick note has been presented by Mr. Jackson,” Thanki said, also without elaborating.

Al Khalifa’s attorney says his client bankrolled a record label to the tune of $7M and wrote songs for Jacko’s failed comeback album.

The joint venture between Jackson and the Sheik was said to include a new Michael Jackson album, an autobiography, and a stage play.

The autobiography alone was expected to rack up $24 million, and Al Khalifa expected to reap the profits on his $7 million loan to Jacko.

But Jacko’s lawyers say the deal was between Al Khalifa and 2 Seas Records, a venture which never got off the ground.

Source

Thanks to loyal reader K Dub for the tip!

Photo: Reuters Pictures

This year, some of my relatives won’t be able to come home to celebrate with us including my old made aunt. She’s actually 65 years old and quite old. Last year, I gave her a DVD player to partner with her newly bought television as a Christmas gift. You see, she loves watching movies but since, she’s too old to go out, we urged her to buy her own entertainment set.

She called up yesterday telling that she can’t make it this year. So I’m thinking of the possible gift that I could give her. I actually spotted the Medical Alert. I think this will be a great gift since she’s far from us and no one will look after her except for another relative. This gadget is a good one since she’s not getting any younger and it will be used to update us about her health conditions. I still have to investigate which gadget is perfect for her.

Another exciting thing about giving this gift is that I can buy it online and have it delivered to her house. I know that we’ll miss her this holiday but we’re all hoping that she’ll be alright even though she’s far away. =)

Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, U.S. Marine General James E. Cartwright, is slated to bring a group of celebrity entertainers with him on an eight-day, five-country USO tour. 

Among those invited to trek overseas are Atlanta-based rap duo, The Ying Yang Twins, former UFC champion, Chuck “The Iceman” Liddell, model/singer Mayra Veronica, and comedians Gabriel Iglesias and Edwin San Juan.  As part of the whirlwind visit, the group will spend time with troops and stage a host of hi-energy appearances and shows as they extend America ’s gratitude.  During many of the stops, the Ying Yang Twins will treat troops to a special performance featuring their lead single “Wild Out,” which will soon be available on I-Tunes. All the proceeds from the single “Wild Out” will be donated to the Brooke Army Medical Center . The Brooke Army Medical Center is a health care facility that provides level-one trauma and prosthetic limbs for soldiers and offers graduate medical education. 

Rappers Kaine and D-Roc, best known as the Ying Yang Twins, burst onto the music scene in 2000 with their hit single “Whistle While You Twurk”.  Often lumped into a group of southern rappers who personified a party or “crunk” style of rap, the duo met in East Atlanta at age 16.  Following a successful career underground, the Ying Yang Twins went main stream in 2002, appearing on Lil Jon’s “Kings of Crunk” album.  Currently working on their sixth studio album, the duo has yielded such hits as “Get Low”, “Salt Shaker”, and “Wait (The Whisper Song)”.

The Ying Yang Twins latest project titled “Karma” is slated to be released in mid February, 2009.

Rappers Kaine and D-Roc, best known as the Ying Yang Twins, burst onto the music scene in 2000 with their hit single "Whistle While You Twurk".  Often lumped into a group of southern rappers who personified a party or "crunk" style of rap, the duo met in East Atlanta at age 16.  Following a successful career underground, the Ying Yang Twins went main stream in 2002, appearing on Lil Jon's "Kings of Crunk" album.  Currently working on their sixth studio album, the duo has yielded such hits as "Get Low", "Salt Shaker", and "Wait (The Whisper Song)".

The Ying Yang Twins latest project titled "Karma" is slated to be released in mid February, 2009.

Mitchell was initially recruited to play with Hendrix by the guitarist's manager, Chas Chandler of the Animals. He was quoted as saying he initially didn't believe that the band would be successful, until he witnessed Hendrix's otherworldly guitar playing for himself. Famous for a style of drumming that melded jazz with rock, Mitchell performed on Hendrix classics such as Are You Experienced?, Electric Ladyland and Axis: Bold As Love. Here's one of Mitchell's legendary drum solos filmed in 1969.